PROJECTS @_@

Eventually I been getting too much projects.
I've been very busy that I never have time to
do anything for myself.
I been running up and down finding ways to keep
up with my work.
It's very interesting how I'm actually able to
finish some of it.
Even though it's not the way it's suppose to look
but at least I tried.
I get good feed backs from my work though, that
makes me feel happy and not depressed.
And yes, I get depressed when I don't have my work done.
It's all because of the programs.
Those damn expensive programs.
Good thing I have access to a lab on compass, even though
it isn't enough because I'm only able to go on Saturday's.
Seriously, who wants to go on a weekend just to finish their work?

WHAT IF IT'S TOO LATE?

9/4/09

Days come and go and yet I haven't spoken to my special gift that god has given me to always love and respect in both good times and bad times. I feel like I'm all alone in this dark world where there's no one out there who can help you fix what you broke. when I'm sitting on my bed, drawing or writing, I start to day dream of those beautiful times I use to have in the past. Those dreams are unforgettable and I will always treasure in my heart, forever and ever.
Every flashback that comes to me, I saddened remembering and wishing to fix some of my worst mistakes. I don't know what to do, where to go, or who to ask for some advice so that I can cure this pain I hold deep inside. when I'm confused or feel lost, I don't know who to run to. I'm always in my own little sphere, collecting so much pressure. If I keep collecting so much pressure, the sphere wont be able to hold anymore that it will burst like a bubble.
I look around in my home and sometimes feel that time is standing still, as if it were purposely going by slowly for me to think. Even so, I still feel like I need more time to get all my thoughts together. Out there in the world where the sun rises and sets, I walk into the streets going to where I have to go and everything that I see, I either remember those loving memories or the horrible ones. sometimes I wish I could walk out there not feeling afraid of what I might see or what will come to me. But out there, I don't feel like I'm loosing oxygen, I just feel this anger coming over me. My rage rises when someone or something gets me on my nerves.
People think that I don't notice it, but I actually do. I notice things that other's may not. Whatever I encounter out there, I keep it to myself. Why? because I lost the privilege to speak to the one I had hurt. At home It's different. There I feel like these four walls are closing up on me taking the ability to breath, to keep myself alive. I feel that I have no privacy, and no peace when I want to do something or hide something personal. I fear this bewilderingly feeling. I can't even think straight because I sometimes feel like I'm loosing it.
Not being able to control myself and organize my thoughts. I just can't take this frustration anymore. When I have had enough, that's when those crystal looking tears roll down my face and take control over me.I sometimes deny what comes down my eyes, but the color and the liquid can't trick anyone else, just maybe myself. If i want to cry, then I should just cry. There's law against that, just that if I want to cry, I'm going to need a shoulder to cry on and something warm and comfortable that will make me feel safe, for example... a hug. I need a transcendental power that will help me go beyond to do what's best for my future. I ask for forgiveness and I hope I'll get an answer.

COLLEGE...

Ever since I had started college, I haven't been feeling myself lately. I feel like I won't be able to do well. I guess because work that they are giving me, is actually harder than I had expected, especially the class work. It isn't Do now's anymore, or Free write. I don't even use my pen anymore, well, I only use it to take notes. I don't even have time to draw anymore, or write my stories or type more blog entries. I can't even chat with my friends online. Only once in a while.
At first, It was hard. I hated when I had to give in information about me, such as residency, shots, and stuff like that. It was very annoying because they were making me go up and down the stairs, back and forth, back and forth. Damn it was annoying but I lived. Now that I had settled in that school, I thought It was going to start easy... but then... things started to get a little difficult. I had to start buying a lot of things. Books, supplies, it was a lot of money that I had to waste but at least I received some back up from the school. You know, scholarships and awards. If I never had received some back up, who know, I wouldn't be able to buy everything on time. But you know what pissed me off? I wasn't able to find some of the books that I needed for class, but at least the professor gave me another chance to buy the book and if I don't, she said she will take some points off of my grade. ( I seriously didn't like that idea ).
I started looking for the book that I had needed, which was the last one, I went to the book store at my school, but they didn't sell them. I was looking it up on line, but I couldn't order because I don't have a debit or a check account, so it was very difficult for me to do that. There was only one thing left for me to do, and it was to ask Adam a favor.^ ^ I asked him if he can order it for me online, because it is much more cheaper. He agreed but then I told him that I needed it before Monday because the professor assigned homework in that book. He then decided to buy it in a store instead. I was counting on him to get it for me, and when he does I was going to pay him back.^ ^ He said no, but I insisted.
I felt very happy and loved that he got it for me. I thank him so much. Hopefully now, I will be able to do all my work and study too. I need to really focus on passing all of my classes so that I can graduate and forget about school. But not my friends though, they will always be remembered in my heart.^ ^

What my eyes will later see

Ringo-Chan
Soon enough, I will be able to go back to highschool, and be able to say hello to my lovely friends and teachers. I officially started college, but it's not going to stop me from going to visit my old friends. Yesterday though, I actually went to visit the school. I was very happy that I was able to get in with the help of my good friend Adam.^ ^ I saw Ms Djanes. she was so happy to see me that she almost had tears rolling down her cheeks. I was happy as well. Things haven't changed as much just as yet. But maybe later on it will.
When I had visited the school, I was happy, and excited, but then I saddened because there was something missing. Something that made me feel that should be there but wasn't. And those who were missing, were the rest of my friends. I had flashbacks as soon as I had entered the school, but then I had wished every one was there, excited to see eachother. Maybe as we say hello to eachother we may probably cry or just smile. Also maybe we would sit together and have fun and just remember those fun times. I can't wait to go back though, on that day where we will all meet eachother, which hopefully is on December.^ ^ I hope that everyone will show up just to remember those great time we had at Urban assembly school of music and art. ^ ^

WHISPER IN THE WIND

... WHISPER
... WHISPER
... WHISPER
IS ALL I FEEL.
... LIES
... ALL LIES
... LIES
IS WHAT I HEAR.
... SCARED
... SCARED
... SCARED
IS WHAT I FEAR.
... ALONE
... ALONE
... ALONE
I'M ON MY OWN.
WHAT DOES THS MEAN?
DO YOU KNOW?
DO YOU KNOW?
HAVE YOU FIGURED IT OUT YET?
ARE YOU STILL LOST IN BETWEEN MY WORDS?
ARE YOU TRAPPED INSIDE A ROOM
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THESE WORDS?
ARE YOU WILLING TO FIND OUT?
OR ARE YOU READY TO GIVE UP?
... WHISPER.
... LIES.
... SCARED.
... ALONE.
WHAT IS IT?
WHICH IS YOUR ANSWER?
ARE YOU CONFUSED WITH ALL OF THIS OR
ARE YOU JUST LAZY TO ANSWER.
TELL ME
TELL ME
TELL ME WHAT YOU FEEL...
IT'S OKAY...
IT'S OKAY...
YOU'LL SOON FIND YOUR ANSWER...
ONLY IF YOU ARE WILLING TO SOLVE IT
OR JUST GIVE UP.
MAYBE THEY WILL REMEMBER YOU THE YOU ARE NOW OR
WITHIN THE NEXT FEW YEARS.
JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
NOW AND NOT LATER.

OH GOD, THE SUMMER...

AFTER I GRADUATE I WOULD GO OUT THERE
AND LOOK FOR A JOB.
THE ONLY THING THAT STOPS ME THOUGH IS THE SUMMER HEAT.
TO ME I WOULD PREFER TO GET A JOB IN THE WINTER THAN IN THE SUMMER.
IN THE SUMMER YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HEAT
THE SWEAT
THE SMELL
AND THIRST.
I HATE SUMMERS.
IT'S GOOD WHEN THE SUN ISN'T TOO BRIGHT
BUT THE SUN WILL ALWAYS BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT.
I REALLY WISH I WERE A MERMAID
MAYBE I'LL BE ABLE TO SWIM UNDER WATER TO HIDE AWAY FROM THE SUN
AND THEN COME BACK PUT WHEN I FEEL NICE AND COOL.
BUT... MY IMAGINATION GETS TO ME A LOT
EVEN THOUGH I'M ALMOST REACHING ADULT HOOD.
BUT... I DON'T CARE IF I STILL HAVE SOME PERSONALITY OF A LITTLE GIRL
AS LONG AS I DON'T ACT TO SERIOUS AND FORGET TO HAVE FUN.

Graduation Rehersal

I wonder a lot
how lovely the graduation will be?
I want to reherse already so that I can practice on my own.
At the same time i wish to walk down that ile
but then i don't.
It will be nice at the beginning... like it always does
but then when it comes to the speech....
I try not to fall asleep.
But the best part I can't wait for is when they give out awards.
I hope I'll be able to get one
but I'm hoping to get two.
Until this day... when I step into that path of getting out of high school
I'm still wondering how beautiful it will be.

Senior week

I always wonder what the senior trip will be about...
hopefully there would be very good trips.
I always wanted to go to the aquarium to see the
dolphins.
I went to trips to aquariums but there's never a
dolphin section...
and hopefully that if we do we will get a chance to see the dolphins.
You know what else i want?
I want us to have a nice picnic.
maybe bring some water balloons...
to splash each other.
Make up some very fun games to play and spend the time together having fun.
All i know is that the day would be a very nice shiny day
with not too much sun light
not too windy or dry
and not having a bad mood.
I can't wait though, it better be fun
because if it isn't... then my
senior days will be ruined

End of the senior year

Every one is getting ready
to graduate from high school.
and to do that
we have to finish all the work that the teacher needs
in order to graduate.
I'm a little excited... but then again I'm not...
everyone is getting to class but they don't do their work.
people think that if they assist to class
then they will pass
but it doesn't work that way.
I'm not worrying about work because i completed most of them
the only thing that I'm worried about is...
The prom...
I'm not sure if I want to go...
I don't have the money...
i need 100 dollars...
but i don't know where to get it
even if I did i wont be able to get my prom dress.
All of my friends are expecting me to be there...
but I'm not sure yet.
hopefully I'll be able to go...
I just need a miracle to happen...

MAYBE TOO SOON

PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED.
NO ONE KNOWS WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO.
PEOPLE QUESTIONS THESE THINGS A LOT
AND THEN START TO WORRY...
PANIC...
AND THINK ABOUT IT THROUGH OUT THEIR WHOLE LIFE.
I THINK THE SAME THING TOO...
BUT I PREFER TO THINK OF THE FUN THINGS
I'M GOING TO ENJOY DOING IN LIFE.

CRUSH?

I HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE
AND I WISH THAT SOME ONE WOULD KNOW
HOW FEEL.
I WANT HIM TO COME WITH ME TO THE PROM HOLDING HANDS
LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND KNOWING THAT I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO
TELL HIM MY FEELINGS...
BUT THAT DREAM WILL NEVER HAPPEN...
I DON'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL
HIM MY FEELINGS BECAUSE HE IS BARELY IN SCHOOL.

CINCO DE MAYO

HOY ES EL CINCO DE MAYO!
WHICH I'M NOT SURE WHY I'M NOT HAPPY.
THE WEATHER IS PISSING ME OF.
I WANTED TO COME TO SCHOOL FEELING VERY HAPPY BUT
THE RAIN RUINED EVERYTHING
I FEEL TIRED...
BOARED...
ANNOYED...
AND UPSET.
WHY DO I FEEL DOWN ON IMPORTANT DAYS?

SUCH A LONELY DAY

LONELY IS HOW I FEEL
LONELY IS SOMETHING I WISH WEREN'T REAL
LONELY I FEEL NOW
WHICH I DON'T KNOW WHY.
LONELY,..SOME TIMES CAN BE A VERY GOOD WORK.
BUT... LONELY CAN BE DEPRESSING IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS

THE EVIL BLENDS

PEOPLE WONDER WHAT EVIL MEANS
IT CAN BE A MURDER THAT SOMEONE COMMITS
A ROBBERY...
MAYBE CHEATING ON SOMEONE...
REFUSING TO GO TO CHURCH...
IT'S SIMPLY EVERYTHING...
ESPECIALLY A QUOTE.
EXAMPLE:
"THAT WHICH IS NOT DEAD
MAY ETERNAL LIE
AND IN STRANGE AEONS
EVEN DEATH MAY DIE".
IS IT TRUE THAT THE WORLD IS SURROUNDED BY EVIL?....
OR IS IT AN ILLUSION THAT PEOPLE MAKE UP?

BEYOND THIS WORLD

BEYOND WHAT YOU THINK YOU SEE
IS NEVER SOMETHING REAL THAT YOU WILL AGREE.
SOME KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
BUT SOME ARE LOST BETWEEN MY WORDS.
I ONLY LOOK FOR HOPE.
NOT FOR MYSELF BUT ALSO
OTHERS.
IT SEEMS THAT HOPE IS GONE
BUT WE CAN MOVE ON
NOT SURE HOW, BUT THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY
TO FIND WHAT MAY BE LOST.

JUST STOP!!!

JUST STOP OF ALL THE JUDGEMENT THAT IS GOING ON AROUND THE GLOBE
THE BLAME AND
THE IGNORANCE
THE HATE AND
THE VIOLENCE.
JUST STOP WITH ALL OF YOUR STUPID THOUGHTS
NOT ONLY ABOUT OTHERS BUT ALSO YOURSELF.
THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN THE WORLD ISN'T ANYONES FAULT
WHAT HAPPENS TO US THERE IS ALWAYS AN ANSWER
BUT YOU HAVE TO LOOK BEYOND TO ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER.
PEOPLE MAY OR MAY NOT BELIEVE IN FAITH....
BUT IF THEY DID THEY PROBABLY DON'T EVEN HAVE TO WORRY...
WORRY OF DEATH...
PEOPLE PANIC WHEN THEY FIND OUT SOMETHING NEW
SOMETHING WHERE THERE IS NO CURE
BUT THAT IS THE LAST THING THAT PEOPLE SHOULD DO
THE MORE THEY PANIC...THE MORE THEY WILL LOOSE.
ALL I'M SAYING IS FOR PEOPLE TO STOP CRITIZISING OTHERS....
BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT TO BE BLAMED.

JUST FALLOW

I'M SURROUNDED BY THE DARK ERA.
THIS EREA IS CAUSING ME TO FALL BACK
ON MY DREAMS.
I THINK, I DAY DREAM, AND I WONDER.
THIS IS THE TIME WHERE I'M BALANCING ON
A ROPE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHICH WAY I SHOULD GO.
I HEAR VOICES, DIFFERENT ONES TELLING ME TO DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
IT RINGS IN MY HEAD BUT IT DOESN'T GO THROUGH.
" GO CINDY GO, YOU CAN DO IT. "
" NO TE DE TENGAS HIJA, HAS LO QUE TIENES QUE HACER. "
" DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MONEY, JUST THINK POSITIVE,
EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. "
I HEAR IT LOUD AND CLEAR, BUT....I'M STILL NOT CONVINCED.
I'M TANGLED IN A DESPAIR TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TO GO.
" BUT WHAT IF I CHOOSE WRONG? " I SAY.
" WHAT IF I MAKE A MISTAKE AND I'M STUCK IN A
TRAFFIC OF LOOSING ALL MY MONEY? "
" WHAT WILL I DO NEXT? "
PEOPLE SAY I WORRY TOO MUCH, IF ONLY I THINK POSITIVE....
THEN MAYBE EVERYTHING WIL BE ALRIGHT. RIGHT?

LOOSING

YESTERDAY WAS A VERY DEPRESSING DAY
NOT BECAUSE OF THE SCANNING THAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL
BUT HOW I FORGOT TO TEXT MY GOOD FRIEND JANNA
AND WARN HER NOT TO BRING HER ELECTRONICS
BUT I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY OWN PASSWORDS FROM MY E-MAIL ACCOUNT
AND I'M GOING TO REMEMBER TO TELL SOMEONE NOT TO BRING THEIR STUFF.
I HAVE PROBLEMS
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER
AND STOP LOOSING MY MEMORY
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S POSSIBLE TO FORCE MYSELF TO REMEMBER A FEW THINGS.
HOPEFULLY JANNA WOULD BE ABLE TO FORGIVE.
IF SHE DOESN'T THEN I UNDERSTAND
BUT I WOULDN'T BARE TO SEE HER PISSED OF
SHE MAY SAY THAT SHE'S OKAY BUT I DON'T BUY IT
SHE IS IN THAT ANGER MOMENT THAT MAKES HER THINK
IF WE REALLY CARE FOR HER.
I WOULD FEEL THE SAME WAY THOUGH IF MY OWN FRIENDS FORGET ABOUT ME.
HOPEFULLY JANNA, WITH THE BOTTOM OF YOUR HEART YOU WOULD FIND A WAY
NOT ONLY TO FORGIVE ME BUT ALSO SONYA
BECAUSE IF WE LOOSE YOU IT WON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY FROM NOW AND THEN.
WE WOULD LOOSE NOT ONLY A FRIEND BUT A SISTER.
I'M SO SORRY JANNA...

THE NIGHTMARE

Last night I had a nightmare.
I was trying to wake up but something stopped me.
I wasn't sure if I was actually sleeping or maybe I was dreaming.
at school, now I felt sleepy.
I couldn't sleep last night after that happened.
I just hope that later this night I will be able to
sleep and not have the same nightmare because it's really scary.

A HUG IS ALL I NEED

I need a hug
A hug that will make me feel protected.
a hug that will make me feel warm.
I get hugs from my family.....
my friends....
but not the guy that I like.
I need a hug from a person I am in love with
a person who is blinded...
who doesn't notice that someone has feelings for him.

ALONE

I'M ALL ALONE IN SCHOOL.
I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
I'M SITTING ALL ALONE IN A CLASS ROOM
WONDERING WHAT TO DO.
I'M ON THE COMPUTER THOUGH...
TYPING...A POEM WITH FEELINGS....
A POEM WHERE I'M ACTUALLY ABLE
TO EXPRESS HOW I'M FEELING AT THIS VERY MOMENT.
I WONDER WHERE MY FRIENDS HAVE GONE?
I DON'T SEE SONYA...
I DON'T SEE SAMANTHA...
I DON'T SEE JANNA..
I DON'T SEE YE YAN
I SEE NO ONE THAT I LOVE...
ALL OF THEM ARE GONE.
I WONDER A LOT IF I'M ALWAYS THE ONLY ONE WHO STAYS ALL BY HERSELF
ALONE IN THE WORLD OF THE DEAD
THE WORLD OF THE IGNORANTS....
BUT...I GUESS IT'S ONLY FOR TODAY.
I HAVE SOMEONE THOUGH
SOMEONE WHO WAS ALWAYS WITH ME
SINCE THE DAY SHE WAS BORN
SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY LISTENS AND UNDERSTAND HOW I'M FEELING
THAT SOMEONE IS MY LITTLE SISTER.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO WITHOUT HER...
MAYBE MY LIFE WOULD BE MORE MISERABLE....IF SHE WASN'T HERE WITH ME.
I WISH TO FIND A WAY TO THANK HER...
TO THANK HER FOR BEING HERE WITH ME.

Who is the real me?

I seem nice
that's what everyone says...
People see me how ever they want to see me.
I see myself differently.
people don't notice me.
which is kinda good
I may be quiet
also very shy.
I may look weak....but I'm actually tough.
I stay away from problems....
don't care what any one says.
I'm calm and gentle.
I'm sweet and friendly.
I am someone who listens to important life.
I love rock music....not the demon one...
but the one that means alot to me.
You can try to describe me....
just remember that just by looking....
you will never guess the true me.

DIFFERENT PERSONALITY

IS IT STRANGE TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A DIFFERENT PERSONALITY? I ALWAYS THOUGHT IF IT'S POSSIBLE TO FIND A WAY TO TELL IF THE PERSON COULD BE SOMEONE YOU TRUST. I WONDER IF I WOULD CHOOSE RIGHT. PEOPLE ARE VERY TRICKY. ESPECIALLY......GUYS.

I MISS MY

I miss the people I left behind.
I miss my family.
My home.
My room.
My personal stuff.
My Mp3.
My neighborhood.
and.....can't think any more.
I guess I said every thing.

NOOOOO!!!!

Global Regents is coming up. and I haven't prepared myself for it. I'm not sure what to do. I feel afraid and worried. I feel I'm starting all over again. from tenth grade. Every time I have regents to do I get really nervous. my heart feels like it's about to tear. I feel I'm going to loose pressure. loose hope and my dreams. It's almost like I already lived this before. I don't feel like myself. I feel I am different. I feel weak instead of strong. I can't believe I'm even typing this on my bloggs.

FEELING THIS

I am feeling okay....
and I have a crazy friend standing right next to me...
she's scaring me....
That friend standing right next to me...
is my crazy friend....SONYA....
she's known as Kitty.....
yes she is....
every one knows that she's a cat....
because she acts just like a cat....
that's why....
never met any one like her....
which is good....
that way I wont forget her....
I'm just very happy to have a friend like her....
even though sometimes she takes it to the next level.

ABOUT THEATER

I WAS SUPPOSE TO SHOW UP FOR THE 

PERFORMANCE BUT...I HAD TO GO HOME.

ONE OF MY LITTLE BROTHERS WAS SICK.

I HAD TO GO HOME TO BABY SIT MY OTHER SIBLINGS, WHILE

MY MOTHER TAKES MY LITTLE BROTHER TO THE HOSPITAL.

FRIDAY

YES!!!

Today is friday.

I can't wait to go home.

I want to get some rest before I 

finish doing some  of my projects.

Even though I have to hand them all in

on Monday, which is one of the days

that I really hate the most.

I can't wait to continue finishing my role play with my siblings.

FREEDOM

PLAYING A GAME

I WAN TO PLAY A REALLY FUN GAME.

Not a game that little kids play.

NOT A GAME THAT.... ADULTS PLAY.

A game where I would be able to to enjoy beating my opponent.

YEA I'M TALKING ABOUT A VIDEO GAME.

Any game that has to do with fighting

AND KICKING ASS

I can't wait to go home and

PLAY ALL OF MY VIDEO GAMES.

Even though I have to finish me projects.

BUT PLAYING FOR A LITTLE WHILE WONT

Hurt...... Right?

A PERSON TO LOVE

I wish I could fall in love again

but I can't

why?

because after my last boy friend I broke up with

I haven't fell in love with another.

I need someone who will actually care for me.

someone who will respect me.

someone who will make me laugh

and someone to lean on and

 cry on their shoulder.

but I could wait though

but hopefully I don't wait too long.

hopefully when the perfect person arrives,

I would be with him 

until the day we die.

RUNNING AWAY

I am running away.

Not from a bully.

Not from a scary animal

and seriously not from my parents.

I run away, because I want to escape from the 

hard work that I'm going through.

I'm behind but not a lot.

I promise myself not to work too much.

I have a friend who is really stressed out.

She had been working for too long

that she actually bursts into tears.

My friends and I try to convince her not to stress herself a lot.

we don't want her to go insane.

I miss her friendly smile

and her funny reactions.

she always use to talk about her funny life.

but now we don't talk about anything. 

I wish we were still the same 

the way we were on freshmen year.

before the damn work started to get difficult.

WE ARE ALL TO BLAME

Yes we are all stressed out.

Maybe about the same thing,

or maybe our personal life.

Many blame others and many blame themselves.

I wish I could blame someone,

but luckily

I'm very nice to actually do that.

It could be that we are all to blame...

but some don't believe in that.

some are afraid, and some just don't want to think that way. 

AND TODAY I...

I WANNA GO HOME!!!

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE.

MY MIND IS BLANK

MY MIND IS FULL OF THOUGHTS.

MY MIND NEVER RESTS

IT'S ALWAYS DOING SOMETHING FOR ME TO REGRET.

I HAVE TO STUDY FOR THE DAMN REGENTS.

BUT IT'S HARD TO CONCENTRATE

I WISH I HAD PASS ALL OF MY DAMN REGENTS 

SO THAT I COULD OF HAD FUN TODAY.

I SOMETIME FEEL LIKE KILLING SOMEONE

BUT NOT ANYONE I LOVE

ONLY THE OUT SIDERS

(Don't worry you guys...I'm not planning on

killing you all....Not just yet.)

CONFUSED

I have no idea where to go

or what to do.

I can't lie and say that all these works are easy for me.

I like to write but about better things.

even though I feel ill today 

I can't just quit with my work.

I hate getting sick,

I hate feeling sick,

and I hate the sickness for existing.

My day today is rewind 

because none of my friends showed up.

(Except for my good friend samantha...I love you.)

other than that we are doing work.

I feel I been writing for ever in school.

I can't wait to get out of school.

You know, so I can do my own things and 

have a free time.

1/22/09

Today I'm feeling very sick.

My stomach has been hurting since the morning.

I woke up very tired, and a little sick.

but it didn't stop me from going to school.

I have a performance for theater class,

and I am not ready yet.

Not only because I feel sick but is because we 

didn't really work out on a theme for us to

actually do real performance.

I can't wait to go home and then go to sleep.

I never get enough sleep because

I sleep kinda late.

NO MORE

I can't write any more poems

my mind is blank.

I wish I could write more poems

so I can treasure it in a bank.

If I don't do something fast

then I'll forget everything I did in the past.

something has to be done

or everything will be gone.

I can't do no more

everything in me has already tore.

I pick up my pen

and number my pages from 

one through ten.

What ever I'm writing in order

I feel life is getting older.

No matter how long it takes

I will try to finish any where, near

oceans or near lakes.

I can't do no more

Everything in me had already tore. 

NO ONE

I run through the trees

finding a way to disappear.

No matter where I go 

there is always someone running after me.

I keep running until I find a way to loose them

It doesn't really matter how hard I try

they are only getting closer.

When I turn back to look

there is no one behind me.

I run and run until I find a safe place to be

A safe place where no one will harm me

where no one will be able to find me.

I hear voices though

Voices I don't know

Voices from the ones who were after me

They say to give up

There is no one left in this world

that has the same feeling as you.

I look around but no one is there.

I might be going insane

or maybe I'm in a nightmare of dreams.

where will you go? With who will you go? They say.

I had my eyes closed, but once I opened them

I yelled out and said "Stop! you are just a no one!"

LOVE

I wonder a lot

If love really exists

If it really does, there wouldn't be hate.

what is really love?

Love is just a word that exists

in dreams or in books.

I wish love were real and not just a word.

SAVE ME

There's darkness around me 

I feel like something is surrounding me.

I want to break free but something stops me

What should I do to get to see a knew me

Not letting that something take me.

I'm sitting all alone

wondering if any one will arrive to rescue me.

HANGING UP THEIR PICTURES

I am lying on my bed 

staring at the empty wall

wondering what to hang up.

while I'm lying there 

nice and still 

Flashbacks I see of my family and me

The great times we had 

was like a beautiful nice dream.

i never knew later on

we the whole family

were going to break apart

I opened my eyes

and one at a time

I hang up their pictures

on the empty wall.

wondering if we will be able

to change each others heart

into those great times we use to have.

SILENCE

Haven't spoken to someone

for two whole years.

No one doesn't notice which I'm glad

because no one doesn't focus

I wish to go back in time 

It doesn't matter if I waste a dime

Just want to stop it

before it happens

Which I wish that what had happened

had never existed.

My whole life is now infested

I can't cure it

So what medicine should I use so

that I could pore it 

Into that empty sadness that I'm

holding

Into that empty sadness that is 

molding

I need some strength

I need some power

My shyness is controlling me

It holds me back, so just forgive me

No matter how hard I try

It doesn't work so I just cry

We both were united

but when we both enter the same room

One of us is uninvited

What should I do for my own

blood to forgive me?

I don't want to wait 

when it's already too late

I want us to be the same

cheerful, and eager

Very pleased and friendly to others.

Like the way a mother and daughter

listen to each other.

WHAT HAVE I BECOME

I was trapped in a cold                                           

darkness full of pain

Not finding a way to escape

and I ask myself

Do I like this?

Do I want this?

I repeated it in my head

Where wet water drips down my face

Finding a way to escape

Finding a way to be brave

I then realize I'm trapped around with chains

While I get out of control

Not only am I hurting myself

I'm also hurting my veins

My heart pounds slowly every minute

I'm loosing energy, I'm loosing air

I look up into the sky even though

I see pitch black

My eyes turn pale and my eyes are full

of bloody tears

I show no fear

I repeated myself these words...

Let all these fools who stand before me

be destroyed, by the power that you and I

posses...

seriously...

what have I become?

LISTEN

I need you to listen

So pay close attention

I need you to hear me

So shut up and look at me

It's time for me to look

down at you and

It's time for you to look 

up at me

I'm tired of all your

fantasy

I'm tired of all you

lies

I already herd you 

enough

so now it's time for

you to listen to me

I wish I had never met

you

but it's too late for that

now

It's hard for me to let you go,

but someday there will be

someone who will rescue me,

and open my eyes to finally

get the strength to say...

IT'S OVER!!!