What would you do?

What would you do if you were to be an animator?
I would make my stories flow all over the world with moving characters and voices.
What would you do if you were to publish your own Graphic novels?
I would write amazing stories for everyone to enjoy, also amaze them with my way of drawing.
What would you do if you were to be a Therapist?
I would help other people by talking to them and giving them advises, giving them my ear by listening to them on what they have to say.
What would you do if you were to be a writer?
I would write amazing stories that will take people away in a dream. Make them feel like they are actually there and wish that my stories will never end.
What would you do if you were to be an actress?
I would stand under the bright light of the moon, speak to the world and let them know who I am, who I was, and who I have become.
What would you do if you were to be a singer?
I would sing to the whole world,
Sad songs,
Happy songs,
and maybe some angry songs.
Let them hear my voice and sing along with me until our voices be heard all around the globe.

Ugh, summer...

It's way too hot this spring days.
Why can't it be a bit cool?
I hate feeling sweaty,
I hate feeling exhausted,
I hate feeling burned
and I hate feeling like it's summer.
I hate summer, just wanted to let you know.
I have my reasons,
which I explained in the beginning as you can see.
Spring suppose to feel cool and
it's suppose to be rainy and windy.
Just the way I like it.
I would run in the rain,
dance if I have to,
jump in the puddles,
and make people like the rain,
just by watching me having fun.
But so far, I have to enjoy this horrible weather
until it starts raining again, and
until winter comes back around and knock on our doors
saying, "Hi, I'm winter."
and then you might say, "Hey everybody, winter is here!"
I feel so cool right now.
but tomorrow as I set foot out there,
I probably might end up melting...
I have a feeling though, that when summer comes
it won't be a great greeting.

Spring Brake ^^

I can't wait
to go home,
to go on my bed
and fall asleep.

I can't wait to go home
to start my spring brake.
No more work
no more homework
no more walking back and forth
from home to the train station.

Not that I'm lazy or anything
It's just annoying doing the same task
over and over again.
Seeing the same damn place gets
a bit tiring.

I want to hang out,
draw some more,
rock out with siblings
and get enough sleep.

I want to do the things
I wasn't able to do because
of school and work.
but now, everything will be different
at least for one week.

Although I may be able to do all
these great stuffs
I still have to study
to advance a bit more in my classes.
I want to pass so that I can have
a great summer. ^ ^

PROJECTS @_@

Eventually I been getting too much projects.
I've been very busy that I never have time to
do anything for myself.
I been running up and down finding ways to keep
up with my work.
It's very interesting how I'm actually able to
finish some of it.
Even though it's not the way it's suppose to look
but at least I tried.
I get good feed backs from my work though, that
makes me feel happy and not depressed.
And yes, I get depressed when I don't have my work done.
It's all because of the programs.
Those damn expensive programs.
Good thing I have access to a lab on compass, even though
it isn't enough because I'm only able to go on Saturday's.
Seriously, who wants to go on a weekend just to finish their work?

WHAT IF IT'S TOO LATE?

9/4/09

Days come and go and yet I haven't spoken to my special gift that god has given me to always love and respect in both good times and bad times. I feel like I'm all alone in this dark world where there's no one out there who can help you fix what you broke. when I'm sitting on my bed, drawing or writing, I start to day dream of those beautiful times I use to have in the past. Those dreams are unforgettable and I will always treasure in my heart, forever and ever.
Every flashback that comes to me, I saddened remembering and wishing to fix some of my worst mistakes. I don't know what to do, where to go, or who to ask for some advice so that I can cure this pain I hold deep inside. when I'm confused or feel lost, I don't know who to run to. I'm always in my own little sphere, collecting so much pressure. If I keep collecting so much pressure, the sphere wont be able to hold anymore that it will burst like a bubble.
I look around in my home and sometimes feel that time is standing still, as if it were purposely going by slowly for me to think. Even so, I still feel like I need more time to get all my thoughts together. Out there in the world where the sun rises and sets, I walk into the streets going to where I have to go and everything that I see, I either remember those loving memories or the horrible ones. sometimes I wish I could walk out there not feeling afraid of what I might see or what will come to me. But out there, I don't feel like I'm loosing oxygen, I just feel this anger coming over me. My rage rises when someone or something gets me on my nerves.
People think that I don't notice it, but I actually do. I notice things that other's may not. Whatever I encounter out there, I keep it to myself. Why? because I lost the privilege to speak to the one I had hurt. At home It's different. There I feel like these four walls are closing up on me taking the ability to breath, to keep myself alive. I feel that I have no privacy, and no peace when I want to do something or hide something personal. I fear this bewilderingly feeling. I can't even think straight because I sometimes feel like I'm loosing it.
Not being able to control myself and organize my thoughts. I just can't take this frustration anymore. When I have had enough, that's when those crystal looking tears roll down my face and take control over me.I sometimes deny what comes down my eyes, but the color and the liquid can't trick anyone else, just maybe myself. If i want to cry, then I should just cry. There's law against that, just that if I want to cry, I'm going to need a shoulder to cry on and something warm and comfortable that will make me feel safe, for example... a hug. I need a transcendental power that will help me go beyond to do what's best for my future. I ask for forgiveness and I hope I'll get an answer.

COLLEGE...

Ever since I had started college, I haven't been feeling myself lately. I feel like I won't be able to do well. I guess because work that they are giving me, is actually harder than I had expected, especially the class work. It isn't Do now's anymore, or Free write. I don't even use my pen anymore, well, I only use it to take notes. I don't even have time to draw anymore, or write my stories or type more blog entries. I can't even chat with my friends online. Only once in a while.
At first, It was hard. I hated when I had to give in information about me, such as residency, shots, and stuff like that. It was very annoying because they were making me go up and down the stairs, back and forth, back and forth. Damn it was annoying but I lived. Now that I had settled in that school, I thought It was going to start easy... but then... things started to get a little difficult. I had to start buying a lot of things. Books, supplies, it was a lot of money that I had to waste but at least I received some back up from the school. You know, scholarships and awards. If I never had received some back up, who know, I wouldn't be able to buy everything on time. But you know what pissed me off? I wasn't able to find some of the books that I needed for class, but at least the professor gave me another chance to buy the book and if I don't, she said she will take some points off of my grade. ( I seriously didn't like that idea ).
I started looking for the book that I had needed, which was the last one, I went to the book store at my school, but they didn't sell them. I was looking it up on line, but I couldn't order because I don't have a debit or a check account, so it was very difficult for me to do that. There was only one thing left for me to do, and it was to ask Adam a favor.^ ^ I asked him if he can order it for me online, because it is much more cheaper. He agreed but then I told him that I needed it before Monday because the professor assigned homework in that book. He then decided to buy it in a store instead. I was counting on him to get it for me, and when he does I was going to pay him back.^ ^ He said no, but I insisted.
I felt very happy and loved that he got it for me. I thank him so much. Hopefully now, I will be able to do all my work and study too. I need to really focus on passing all of my classes so that I can graduate and forget about school. But not my friends though, they will always be remembered in my heart.^ ^

What my eyes will later see

Ringo-Chan
Soon enough, I will be able to go back to highschool, and be able to say hello to my lovely friends and teachers. I officially started college, but it's not going to stop me from going to visit my old friends. Yesterday though, I actually went to visit the school. I was very happy that I was able to get in with the help of my good friend Adam.^ ^ I saw Ms Djanes. she was so happy to see me that she almost had tears rolling down her cheeks. I was happy as well. Things haven't changed as much just as yet. But maybe later on it will.
When I had visited the school, I was happy, and excited, but then I saddened because there was something missing. Something that made me feel that should be there but wasn't. And those who were missing, were the rest of my friends. I had flashbacks as soon as I had entered the school, but then I had wished every one was there, excited to see eachother. Maybe as we say hello to eachother we may probably cry or just smile. Also maybe we would sit together and have fun and just remember those fun times. I can't wait to go back though, on that day where we will all meet eachother, which hopefully is on December.^ ^ I hope that everyone will show up just to remember those great time we had at Urban assembly school of music and art. ^ ^

WHISPER IN THE WIND

... WHISPER
... WHISPER
... WHISPER
IS ALL I FEEL.
... LIES
... ALL LIES
... LIES
IS WHAT I HEAR.
... SCARED
... SCARED
... SCARED
IS WHAT I FEAR.
... ALONE
... ALONE
... ALONE
I'M ON MY OWN.
WHAT DOES THS MEAN?
DO YOU KNOW?
DO YOU KNOW?
HAVE YOU FIGURED IT OUT YET?
ARE YOU STILL LOST IN BETWEEN MY WORDS?
ARE YOU TRAPPED INSIDE A ROOM
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THESE WORDS?
ARE YOU WILLING TO FIND OUT?
OR ARE YOU READY TO GIVE UP?
... WHISPER.
... LIES.
... SCARED.
... ALONE.
WHAT IS IT?
WHICH IS YOUR ANSWER?
ARE YOU CONFUSED WITH ALL OF THIS OR
ARE YOU JUST LAZY TO ANSWER.
TELL ME
TELL ME
TELL ME WHAT YOU FEEL...
IT'S OKAY...
IT'S OKAY...
YOU'LL SOON FIND YOUR ANSWER...
ONLY IF YOU ARE WILLING TO SOLVE IT
OR JUST GIVE UP.
MAYBE THEY WILL REMEMBER YOU THE YOU ARE NOW OR
WITHIN THE NEXT FEW YEARS.
JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
NOW AND NOT LATER.

OH GOD, THE SUMMER...

AFTER I GRADUATE I WOULD GO OUT THERE
AND LOOK FOR A JOB.
THE ONLY THING THAT STOPS ME THOUGH IS THE SUMMER HEAT.
TO ME I WOULD PREFER TO GET A JOB IN THE WINTER THAN IN THE SUMMER.
IN THE SUMMER YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HEAT
THE SWEAT
THE SMELL
AND THIRST.
I HATE SUMMERS.
IT'S GOOD WHEN THE SUN ISN'T TOO BRIGHT
BUT THE SUN WILL ALWAYS BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT.
I REALLY WISH I WERE A MERMAID
MAYBE I'LL BE ABLE TO SWIM UNDER WATER TO HIDE AWAY FROM THE SUN
AND THEN COME BACK PUT WHEN I FEEL NICE AND COOL.
BUT... MY IMAGINATION GETS TO ME A LOT
EVEN THOUGH I'M ALMOST REACHING ADULT HOOD.
BUT... I DON'T CARE IF I STILL HAVE SOME PERSONALITY OF A LITTLE GIRL
AS LONG AS I DON'T ACT TO SERIOUS AND FORGET TO HAVE FUN.

Graduation Rehersal

I wonder a lot
how lovely the graduation will be?
I want to reherse already so that I can practice on my own.
At the same time i wish to walk down that ile
but then i don't.
It will be nice at the beginning... like it always does
but then when it comes to the speech....
I try not to fall asleep.
But the best part I can't wait for is when they give out awards.
I hope I'll be able to get one
but I'm hoping to get two.
Until this day... when I step into that path of getting out of high school
I'm still wondering how beautiful it will be.

Senior week

I always wonder what the senior trip will be about...
hopefully there would be very good trips.
I always wanted to go to the aquarium to see the
dolphins.
I went to trips to aquariums but there's never a
dolphin section...
and hopefully that if we do we will get a chance to see the dolphins.
You know what else i want?
I want us to have a nice picnic.
maybe bring some water balloons...
to splash each other.
Make up some very fun games to play and spend the time together having fun.
All i know is that the day would be a very nice shiny day
with not too much sun light
not too windy or dry
and not having a bad mood.
I can't wait though, it better be fun
because if it isn't... then my
senior days will be ruined

End of the senior year

Every one is getting ready
to graduate from high school.
and to do that
we have to finish all the work that the teacher needs
in order to graduate.
I'm a little excited... but then again I'm not...
everyone is getting to class but they don't do their work.
people think that if they assist to class
then they will pass
but it doesn't work that way.
I'm not worrying about work because i completed most of them
the only thing that I'm worried about is...
The prom...
I'm not sure if I want to go...
I don't have the money...
i need 100 dollars...
but i don't know where to get it
even if I did i wont be able to get my prom dress.
All of my friends are expecting me to be there...
but I'm not sure yet.
hopefully I'll be able to go...
I just need a miracle to happen...

MAYBE TOO SOON

PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED.
NO ONE KNOWS WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO.
PEOPLE QUESTIONS THESE THINGS A LOT
AND THEN START TO WORRY...
PANIC...
AND THINK ABOUT IT THROUGH OUT THEIR WHOLE LIFE.
I THINK THE SAME THING TOO...
BUT I PREFER TO THINK OF THE FUN THINGS
I'M GOING TO ENJOY DOING IN LIFE.

CRUSH?

I HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE
AND I WISH THAT SOME ONE WOULD KNOW
HOW FEEL.
I WANT HIM TO COME WITH ME TO THE PROM HOLDING HANDS
LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND KNOWING THAT I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO
TELL HIM MY FEELINGS...
BUT THAT DREAM WILL NEVER HAPPEN...
I DON'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL
HIM MY FEELINGS BECAUSE HE IS BARELY IN SCHOOL.

CINCO DE MAYO

HOY ES EL CINCO DE MAYO!
WHICH I'M NOT SURE WHY I'M NOT HAPPY.
THE WEATHER IS PISSING ME OF.
I WANTED TO COME TO SCHOOL FEELING VERY HAPPY BUT
THE RAIN RUINED EVERYTHING
I FEEL TIRED...
BOARED...
ANNOYED...
AND UPSET.
WHY DO I FEEL DOWN ON IMPORTANT DAYS?

SUCH A LONELY DAY

LONELY IS HOW I FEEL
LONELY IS SOMETHING I WISH WEREN'T REAL
LONELY I FEEL NOW
WHICH I DON'T KNOW WHY.
LONELY,..SOME TIMES CAN BE A VERY GOOD WORK.
BUT... LONELY CAN BE DEPRESSING IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS